Once upon a time, I was obsessive compulsive. If any of you have read my previous posts, you know that I have a fierce love of planning and organizing. Not necessarily executing, though. You’d be shocked to know that I wasn’t always like this. At one point and time I made lists and stuck to them. No exceptions. The lists weren’t just about big things, either. I would make a list on how I would live that day. For example, I would write down when I was going to brush my teeth, the exact time I would need to get dressed. And if something prevented me from completing the list (such as a natural disaster or physical limitation), I would be devastated. I would cry, I would shut down. In my mind, the world had stopped spinning on its axis.
So how did I get out of my list making craziness? First, I sought out professional help. With therapy, I realized that I was very depressed and the list making was making me feel in control. Much like today, the lists resembled my tight grasp on the things I could control. Unfortunately, when things that were out of my control happened, my lists were nullified and I fell to pieces. I had to learn how to make lists with the understanding that life happens and more importantly, how to deal with that.
Over time, I got better. Now, I make lists and don’t stick to them at all.
No seriously, now I’m working on not making such extravagant goals. And with the help of Costa (the boyfriend), I am reminding myself daily that life happens. A friend of mine just lost the father of her child to a senseless crime that he wasn’t apart of. These type of things remind us that control is only an illusion. Ultimately, there’s only so much planning you can do before you have to toss up the rest to chance.
How about you? Are you a list making master? How do you handle the need to stay on top of things?